We are approaching Thanksgiving and the start of the holiday season. I have noticed that the people around me are not feeling particularly festive this year and I'm sure that the economy has us all walking around in a funk. I have had perhaps the single most difficult year of my life and have talked more than once with my sister about being glad to bring 2008 to a close. Lately, I've been praying a lot for a little divine intervention to turn my thought process around. So, here is the first leap of faith that my prayer will be answered!
I lost someone very important to me this year. My mother. My mom has been such an important person in my life. I know that isn't a terribly unique experience or insight as mothers generally play a very important role in the lives of most people. But, she was MY mother and I miss her terribly.
My mom really struggled with her health all throughout her life and the last few years were bad. Last December I flew to Texas to be with her in the hospital. She had been in and out of the hospital a few times earlier in the year and so this was not new. However, she was so terribly weak and her condition was such that my dear, dear father simply couldn't handle the situation at home any longer. I was there to help my father move mom into an assisted living facility. Despite her illness, mom's fire was alive and well and she gave everyone hell for having to be in that place. She sure hated it and I don't blame her one bit. And, Dad sure did his best. I felt so bad for him. Married for 58 years and it came down to this moment. I know it isn't how they wanted it.
I was in Chicago last April and I got the phone call that Mom had taken a turn for the worst. The doctor told my father that they could take her back to the hospital and do all sorts of things to get her back to a condition like she was just a few weeks before. My dad was so brave and made a really hard decision that came from his deep abiding love for my mom and undertanding of what her will was for this situation. So, my dad decided to not go that route. Instead, hospice was called in and the family was summoned.
When I arrived that night, I found my mother in her room in a very sad state. It's hard to say that she really even knew that we were there, but the hospice people say that she knew. After a few tears and some nourishment that my dad really needed, we discussed the next steps and what would be the best thing for mom. We agreed that the next morning we would bring her home so that we could all be with her in her home and everyone could be comfortable as we sat with her.
That night, I had a "feeling" and so I went to stay with her at the care home during the night. It was perhaps the most intimate experience of my entire life. I sat with my mom and said my goodbyes to her. I explained to her what our plan was but that she shouldn't feel any need to hold on any longer. All of us would understand when she finally decided to let go. I sat by her bed and held her hand that night. It was an honor to do so. Finally, at about 3:00 a.m. it became clear that it was time to call the family. Shortly after my father arrived, my mom passed. I held her hand as she took her last breath. My brother was at the foot of her bed and my dad held her other hand. My brother called my sister on his cell phone and I held the phone to mom's ear so that my sister could talk to her. It was a holy moment.
The memorial service for my mom was beautiful and many commented that they left feeling uplifted by the way that we celebrated my mother's life. Just recently, my family returned to Texas to go with my father to bury my mom's ashes at a veteran's cemetary in Oklahoma. It was great to be together as a family and to remember mom.
As I look back on this year, I still grieve for the loss of my mother. But, I am also thankful for the many gifts that she gave me and for the time that we had her on this earth. She nourished me in many ways. Her love for me was without question. She was the rock of our family.
Today, I wear one of her bracelets wherever I go. It's not a fancy bracelet, but it is definitively my mother's. Not a day goes by that I don't remember something my mom said or did. And yes, every now and again, I cry a bit. But, my mom is free of illness and she is in the place that was promised to her on her baptism day. She is happy and she is whole. God blessed me with a wonderful mother. Our family is a living testament to the character of my mom. We are a close family full of support and love for one another. I am very grateful for the peace that comes from having a happy family life. Mom was at the heart of it all. This is what I will give thanks to God for during this Thanksgiving Holiday!
